My Good Friend Ryan

           When my friend Kiera was in Uganda, she asked me, “Do you think your standards for friends have lowered in the Peace Corps?”  She was joking, but this question did have some validity.  I am sure you all remember my friend Ryan – the one who earned his brown badge because he wanted to finish making his tea.  Well, the more I hang out with Ryan, the more I realize that he deserves his own special blog post. 

            Ryan has taken to rarely bathing in this country.  As you may already know, the dirt roads and heat make it hard to keep yourself clean here in Uganda.  You will find yourself thinking that you have a tan, but really, it is just dirt.  I have to bathe every day because I always feel sweaty and gross.  Ryan, on the other hand, justifies not bathing because he says he is just going to get dirty again – so what’s the point?  I have to admit that I cannot be too hard on Ryan because I rarely bathed when I was living in Kenya.  I get it…sometimes it really is just too much work to bucket bathe.  Ryan, however, waited five months to finally wash his sheets.  That is correct, that is 5 months of unwashed sheets with a man who does not bathe.  This combination, I feel, cannot be justified.   Thankfully, he recently hired a house girl to do his laundry, so his sheets are now being washed on a regular basis. 

            On the rare occasion that Ryan chooses to bathe, he also decides to do his dishes.  In an effort to save water, Ryan uses his dirty bath water to wash his dishes.  He argues that it is easier because the water is already soapy and that it is okay because he rinses them off with clean water.  Since Ryan only bathes about two to three times a week, I can only imagine the color of his bath water.  It is safe to assume that I will not be enjoying a meal at Ryan’s in the near future. 

            In addition to not washing his sheets, Ryan has never wiped his stove clean.  He has the same stainless steel gas stove that I have, but his turned completely black from all of the grease.  When he told me this fun fact, I was horrified and I insisted that he let me come over and make it silver again.  I destroyed a sponge and the bucket of water was black when I was finished cleaning.  I even got the special bonus of being able to clean under the stove - complete with old food and rat poop.  

            Ryan may not be the cleanliest of people, but he is a good guy.  For one, he has a sense of humor and has allowed me to post about pooping his pants and his hygiene.  Secondly, Ryan also rescued a kitten from his latrine.   Last week, he discovered that a kitten had fallen into his latrine and he could hear it meowing.  Ryan consulted his neighbors about saving the kitten and they all laughed.  The latrine is brand new, and they said they could not get the kitten out since it is thirty feet deep.  Ryan figured that the kitten was most likely near death because there was no way it could survive a thirty-foot fall.  After three days, however, the kitten was still meowing and Ryan set out to rescue the kitten.  Ryan spent three frustrating hours trying to get the kitten out of the latrine until he was finally successful.  He says that his neighbors must think he is crazy because for three hours he was shining his flashlight and yelling, “You idiot!  Get on the stupid piece of wood.  Come on!!!”  Ryan also says that it was not compassion that made him spend so much time trying to rescue a kitten; it was his ego.  There was a problem, and he needed a solution – he was not going to be outsmarted by a kitten.  He finally lowered a rice sack with dried fish inside in order to lure the kitten.  After ten minutes, the cat entered the sack and Ryan was able to pull him to safety.  Ryan claims that he only decided to save the kitten because he wanted to poop in peace.  He, however, gave the kitten a bath, pulled out his tics with tweezers, gave him food, and then let him sleep in his house.  So Ryan may not be the most hygienic, but he has a good heart!  In the end, I am glad to call him my friend. 

            Plus, he is really photogenic…

           

Ryan with my neighbors

Self Defense in Uganda

           My parents and sister have been nagging me to post, so I am finally getting around to writing one.  I have to admit that I haven’t written recently because I feel like nothing can beat a mango fly video.  I love posts where I can gross you out and have you thinking, “How is she still there?”  I suppose I should count my blessings that I have not had any run-ins with rats or cockroaches recently. 

            Two weeks ago I went to Jinja with my neighbor, Sauya, to visit her son and attend his school’s 100^th Anniversary event.  I expected the event to be like every other Ugandan function I have attended – long and running behind schedule.  I was surprised, however, that they followed the itinerary exactly and it ended promptly at 2:30.  The event was a lot of fun – lots of schools attended and they put on dancing and singing performances.  President Museveni was supposed to be the guest of honor, but he was in India.  The Speaker of Parliament came instead, which was still pretty cool.  The Prince of Busoga was also there and he was really good looking.  Too bad he is nineteen (because I’m sure I would have had a chance…).  After the event, Sauya’s son, Isaac, gave us a tour of the school.  It is a really pretty school overlooking Lake Victoria.  Isaac had a lot of fun showing off his mzungu friend.  As we were walking, Sauya turned to Isaac and asked if those were his friends over there.  He said yes.  She laughed and said she could see Isaac standing behind me, pointing and mouthing, “This is her!” with a big smile on his face.  We went over and introduced ourselves, which I think made Isaac’s day. 

            Last weekend, I returned to Jinja again to visit Mary at her site and teach self-defense to her scouts.  I know you all just had to reread that sentence…”Aubrey teaching self defense?”  The concept of self-defense does not really exist here in Uganda, and hence, I am qualified to teach it.  I taught the basics that I could remember from Krav Maga: proper fighting stance, how to punch, groin kicks, kneeing, and how to get out of a choke from behind.  I am sure my Krav Maga instructors would be horrified with how I most likely butchered everything they taught me, but as they say here, “it’s okay!”  The scouts had a lot of fun, and near the end, the girls started to get really into it.  At first they were pretty shy, and lazily punching – the self-defense concept was pretty foreign to them, I am sure.  After my lesson, one of the boys said, “Madame me and him versus you and Madame Mary.  We do practicals!”  Whoops, guess I should have been clearer that you only use this to defend yourself.  (In all honesty, though, I’m pretty sure I could have taken both of them).  Mary texted me the next day, “I don’t know what you did to me, but I am so sore!”  So I guess I did a job well done. 

            On Tuesday, I went to the health clinic to see Gowa and give him more latex gloves and a poster that I had made for his clinic.  We went and visited one of his patients because he said he needed me to convince her to go to Mbale to get treatment.  (Apparently, advice from an mzungu is taken more seriously).  He told me that she is HIV positive, and that she had developed some sores in her mouth.  We walked to this woman’s house, and I could immediately tell she was very sick.  She was gaunt and moving slowly.  He instructed her to open her mouth for me, and it took everything I had in me to not dry heave right there.  She had all of these open, pussy sores in her mouth.  It looked so painful, and she told me that her whole mouth felt like it was on fire.  The medicine Gowa had given her did not help and she had stopped eating because it was painful.  I, of course, told her she needed to go to the hospital in Mbale because they have more resources.  She nodded her head, and said that she would go.  Gowa later told me that he had been telling her to go to Mbale, but since she heard it from a white person, now she would actually listen.  He said that seeing me also probably gave her a little more hope.  I felt awful that I could not be of more help, but this did give me a little comfort knowing that I was making somewhat of a difference. 

            Later on in the day, a patient came into the health clinic because he was having some stomach pains.  Him and Gowa were speaking in Lugwere, so I did not know exactly what they were talking about.  Gowa handed the patient condoms and asked if he knew how to use them.  The patient said no, he had never used a condom before.  Well, this all led to me giving my first condom demonstration!  The patient brought in two other men to watch me too – who could pass up the mzungu demonstrating how to put on a condom?  I wish there was film footage of this; my goofy smile did not leave my face the whole time and I could feel that my face was beet red.  Overall, it went well though, and I passed around the condom after so they could all see what one actually looked like.  I’m really hoping that practice makes perfect.  If I have to do another one, then hopefully I won’t be as embarrassed and awkward. 

            

Here are a few photos from the 100th Anniversary Event in Jinja: 

100th Anniversary Event 

Some of the boys dressed up as girls for the dance - hilarious

Sauya and Isaac

Isaac and me

Sauya and me