Self Defense in Uganda

           My parents and sister have been nagging me to post, so I am finally getting around to writing one.  I have to admit that I haven’t written recently because I feel like nothing can beat a mango fly video.  I love posts where I can gross you out and have you thinking, “How is she still there?”  I suppose I should count my blessings that I have not had any run-ins with rats or cockroaches recently. 

            Two weeks ago I went to Jinja with my neighbor, Sauya, to visit her son and attend his school’s 100^th Anniversary event.  I expected the event to be like every other Ugandan function I have attended – long and running behind schedule.  I was surprised, however, that they followed the itinerary exactly and it ended promptly at 2:30.  The event was a lot of fun – lots of schools attended and they put on dancing and singing performances.  President Museveni was supposed to be the guest of honor, but he was in India.  The Speaker of Parliament came instead, which was still pretty cool.  The Prince of Busoga was also there and he was really good looking.  Too bad he is nineteen (because I’m sure I would have had a chance…).  After the event, Sauya’s son, Isaac, gave us a tour of the school.  It is a really pretty school overlooking Lake Victoria.  Isaac had a lot of fun showing off his mzungu friend.  As we were walking, Sauya turned to Isaac and asked if those were his friends over there.  He said yes.  She laughed and said she could see Isaac standing behind me, pointing and mouthing, “This is her!” with a big smile on his face.  We went over and introduced ourselves, which I think made Isaac’s day. 

            Last weekend, I returned to Jinja again to visit Mary at her site and teach self-defense to her scouts.  I know you all just had to reread that sentence…”Aubrey teaching self defense?”  The concept of self-defense does not really exist here in Uganda, and hence, I am qualified to teach it.  I taught the basics that I could remember from Krav Maga: proper fighting stance, how to punch, groin kicks, kneeing, and how to get out of a choke from behind.  I am sure my Krav Maga instructors would be horrified with how I most likely butchered everything they taught me, but as they say here, “it’s okay!”  The scouts had a lot of fun, and near the end, the girls started to get really into it.  At first they were pretty shy, and lazily punching – the self-defense concept was pretty foreign to them, I am sure.  After my lesson, one of the boys said, “Madame me and him versus you and Madame Mary.  We do practicals!”  Whoops, guess I should have been clearer that you only use this to defend yourself.  (In all honesty, though, I’m pretty sure I could have taken both of them).  Mary texted me the next day, “I don’t know what you did to me, but I am so sore!”  So I guess I did a job well done. 

            On Tuesday, I went to the health clinic to see Gowa and give him more latex gloves and a poster that I had made for his clinic.  We went and visited one of his patients because he said he needed me to convince her to go to Mbale to get treatment.  (Apparently, advice from an mzungu is taken more seriously).  He told me that she is HIV positive, and that she had developed some sores in her mouth.  We walked to this woman’s house, and I could immediately tell she was very sick.  She was gaunt and moving slowly.  He instructed her to open her mouth for me, and it took everything I had in me to not dry heave right there.  She had all of these open, pussy sores in her mouth.  It looked so painful, and she told me that her whole mouth felt like it was on fire.  The medicine Gowa had given her did not help and she had stopped eating because it was painful.  I, of course, told her she needed to go to the hospital in Mbale because they have more resources.  She nodded her head, and said that she would go.  Gowa later told me that he had been telling her to go to Mbale, but since she heard it from a white person, now she would actually listen.  He said that seeing me also probably gave her a little more hope.  I felt awful that I could not be of more help, but this did give me a little comfort knowing that I was making somewhat of a difference. 

            Later on in the day, a patient came into the health clinic because he was having some stomach pains.  Him and Gowa were speaking in Lugwere, so I did not know exactly what they were talking about.  Gowa handed the patient condoms and asked if he knew how to use them.  The patient said no, he had never used a condom before.  Well, this all led to me giving my first condom demonstration!  The patient brought in two other men to watch me too – who could pass up the mzungu demonstrating how to put on a condom?  I wish there was film footage of this; my goofy smile did not leave my face the whole time and I could feel that my face was beet red.  Overall, it went well though, and I passed around the condom after so they could all see what one actually looked like.  I’m really hoping that practice makes perfect.  If I have to do another one, then hopefully I won’t be as embarrassed and awkward. 

            

Here are a few photos from the 100th Anniversary Event in Jinja: 

100th Anniversary Event 

Some of the boys dressed up as girls for the dance - hilarious

Sauya and Isaac

Isaac and me

Sauya and me

Poppin' Mango Flies

            If you have been an avid follower of this blog, then you probably recall me mentioning mango flies.  For those that have forgotten, let me refresh your memory.  Mango flies will sometimes lay their eggs in your clothing while it is hanging outside to dry.  The eggs hatch upon contact with skin, and the larvae burrow into the skin and develop into fully grown maggots.  In order to avoid these pesky flies, it is advised that you iron all of your clothing.   The thought of maggots in my skin terrifies me, so I have been adamant about ironing all of my clothes.  A part of me, however, did wonder if mango flies were an actual problem…until now.  Over the weekend, I met up with Bethany, Joe, and John in Mbale.  John asked us, “Do you all want to see the weird bite I got at Joe’s house?”  He raises his arm and there is a boil like spot that is black in the middle – characteristic of a mango fly.  Joe says, “Uh, I think that’s a mango fly.”  Naturally, John freaks out, while the rest of us proceed to check it out and take pictures:

Mango fly bite

            Since we are Peace Corps Volunteers and have been in Uganda far too long, we thought the proper thing to do next was pop out the maggot.  I should probably mention we were in Chat n Chino, an mzungu restaurant in Mbale; neither an ideal nor very appropriate place for popping out a mango fly.  We, however, have been in the village far too long and did not think twice about popping out a maggot in front of other patrons.  We also disinfected with Purell because that's all we had.  Now here is the proper way to pop out a mango fly:

1.     Make sure someone is there to film this because you are going to want to cherish this moment forever.  Thankfully, I had my iPhone and was able to document the whole adventure.

2.     Put Vaseline or clear nail polish over the red bump in order to suffocate the maggot.  It will then proceed to try and wriggle itself out.

3.     Wait a few minutes and then squeeze the maggot out like you are popping a pimple.  If it’s being stubborn, then use a needle to pull out the little bugger.

4.     Let out a sigh of relief…you are now maggot free.

5.     START IRONING YOUR CLOTHES.

I know you are all dying to see this adventure.  Sorry for the poor video quality, but I didn't want to sit here all day.  When I return to the US I'll show it to all of you in high def.  You can click on the video to watch it via youtube and make it full screen: 

 

            Coming home from Mbale that day was also quite eventful.  I was sitting in the front, middle seat of the taxi, which is usually right on top of the engine.  While we were driving my seat started to get hot, but I did not think much of it because I know this can happen sometimes.  I ignored it until it started to become a little unbearable, and I told the driver that the seat was getting hotter than usual.  He looked over, and then we both realized the seat was starting to smoke.  He pulled over; the conductor in the back seat jumped out, opened the door and pulled me and the other passenger out of the front.  The driver lifted up the seats to see the engine and a small fire was starting.  He had a jerry can ready and he poured water on the engine in order to put out the fire and cool it down.  He then put the seats back down and motioned for us to get back in.  I looked at the other passenger with my eyebrows raised and we both laughed and shrugged our shoulders.  I got back in the taxi like this was perfectly normal and no big deal.  After all, this is Uganda and anything goes.  As they say here, “there is no problem.”  We drove for a couple of meters and then the driver pulled over again and he sent the conductor to refill the jerry can from the swamp.  He returned, and we were instructed to get out of the taxi again.  The driver filled the coolant tank with water and then told us to get back in the taxi.  All I could think the rest of the ride home was, “Wow, I hope there isn’t another fire.  I really like these jeans I’m wearing and I don’t want to burn a hole in the butt.”

            This past week was uneventful because the students were slow to trickle into school and the teachers are still on strike.  Things are continuing to get worse here in Uganda, the exchange rate is now 3,000 shillings to the dollar.  It was 2,300 when we arrived!  Food and gas prices continue to rise, and teachers are still only making around 173,000 shillings a month.  That’s just over $50!!  It is rumored that the strike will end sometime this week, but anything goes.  I am going to keep myself busy by going to the health clinic and working on the resource room. 

            On Sunday, I invited my neighbors’ kids over to watch a movie on my computer because I have a bunch of Disney movies on my external hard drive.  We watched the Lion King, and I thought the kids were going to die of excitement.  The only television they watch here is the news and Spanish soap operas that are dubbed in English.  (Only some of my neighbors have televisions and they only get a few channels because they use the bunny ears).  After the movie, they went home and then came back twenty minutes later and asked if they could watch Simba again. While it was a very cute request, I had to say no (I don’t want to set a bad precedent of allowing them to come over all the time to watch TV).  I told them that on Sundays, when I am around, I will have them over for a movie day.  I have a feeling that I will be watching a lot of Lion King because I am not sure they really understand that I have other movies to watch.  Ah, but there is no problem :)

This bug was in our hotel at Lweza.  We don't know what it was, but it was gross!

Beginner Uganda

           I am finally finished with the three weeks of Peace Corps workshops, and it feels great to be home.  When I arrived back to my site, my neighbors were beyond excited with my return.  They had some of the students help me clean my house, and they did an amazing job.  They swept, scrubbed the floors, and dusted everything.  I don’t think my house has ever been so clean – I am so grateful for my awesome neighbors.  I did say in my last post that I was worried I was going to find some critters in my house and/or latrine.  Well, I had reason to be worried.  There was a dead and decomposing rat in my latrine.  It was actually STUCK to the floor and my neighbors had to scrape it off.  It smelled like death in my latrine; I was gagging.  They then scrubbed the floors, so now it’s back to its clean self.  Phew! 

            During my three weeks away, I realized my whole training group has started to pick up a few Ugandan phrases.  While sometimes we are joking, sometimes we cannot help talking like a Ugandan.  In order to understand, I think that I need to teach you a little Ugandan English:

1.     Greetings are more than just a simple “How are you?”  Here is how a typical greeting will go with a  random person on the road:

            A: “How are you?”

            B: “I’m fine”

            A: “Mmm.”

            B: “How are you?”

            A: “I’m fine.”

            B: “Mmmm.”

            A: “How is there?”

            B: “Good.  How is home?”

            A: “Fine. Well done.”

            B: “Mmm.  Thank you for your work.”
            A: “Mmm.”

From there you can continue down the road.  And, yes, the “Mmms” are essential in every greeting.  I actually usually say “mmm” when someone speaks to me in Lugwere and I don’t understand.  In most cases, it will suffice!

2.     You will find yourself saying all of these phrases constantly if you are in Uganda an extended period of time:

-       Well done

-       Thank you for your work

-       It’s okay

-       Eh, sorry (sorry is pronounced more like soddy”

-       “You first wait” or “You first come”

-       If something is broken – it’s “spoiled”.

-       If your phone battery is dead – it’s “finished”

-       If a restaurant ran out of French fries, which are chips here, then the chips are “over”.

3.     I feel like I should elaborate on some of these phrases.  For instance, “it’s okay” is the response to everything.  When I tell my neighbor that I’m off to Mbale to do some grocery shopping, he or she will usually say, “It’s okay.”  If I ask a question, and I’m not understood, then the response will just be “it’s okay.”  It’s a universal response to anything. 

4.     “Eh, soddy” can be used in all contexts.  For example: If you’re sick, you drop your pen, you trip, your phone battery is finished, or if your computer is spoiled. 

            A: “My mom has the flu.”

            B: “Ehh, soddy. I missed your call because my phone is finished.”

            A: “Eh, soddy.”

            Person A drops their pencil accidentally.

            B: “Eh, soddy.”

You get the picture.

5.     If you are gone for a long time, then people will tell you that you have been “lost.”  Since I was gone for three weeks at workshops, people keep coming by to tell me, “Ah! You have been lost.” 

6.     Statements can always be turned into questions.  “The phone is what? It is spoiled.”  “The food is what?  The food is over.” “I am what? I am hungry.” This is a nasty habit we have all picked up – it started out as a joke, but now most of can’t help speaking in statements/questions. 

7.     When you return home, some people say “well be back” instead of saying, “welcome back.” We have not started saying this, but we all want to know why this is said.

For all the people reading this that have been to Uganda, I know you’re thinking, “yup, totally!”  For everyone else, I’m sure you’re thinking, “huh?”  All I have to say is, come visit me and you will understand completely.  Otherwise, in two years you will start to notice that I sometimes speak like this myself.  Kind of like when I picked up a little bit of a Midwestern accent when I went to UW. 

This blog post is now what? Finished. 

Libraries For Life

            For those of you that do not know, I am working on a project called “Libraries for Life” with three other Peace Corps Volunteers.  Libraries for Life is partnered with Books for Africa, and we are working together to build libraries in select schools throughout Uganda.  There is not a big reading culture here in Uganda – books are not readily available and most Ugandans do not read for fun.  We are all working together to try and change that.  I plan to set up a library at Namengo Girls and create a literacy program in order to improve reading comprehension skills.  I will be working closely with a teacher, Sauya, so that the project will be sustainable when I return to the US in two years.

Books for Africa will send us the books, but we need to pay for the shipping and port fees.  We are currently trying to raise $21,000 to cover these costs, and we would greatly appreciate any donations.  You can check out the webpage for Libraries for Life and read more:

https://www.booksforafrica.org/donate/to-project.html;jsessionid=061425D51330A6547D34436583544822?projectId=79 

You can also go to www.booksforafrica.org -> donate now -> donate to a project -> scroll to Uganda and click on Libraries for Life. 

I am almost done with all of my Peace Corps Workshops!  I have been away from my site for almost three weeks, and it is getting a little tiring.  In Service Training was interesting to say the least.  Our Ugandan counterparts had to attend the workshop with us for four of the days, and it definitely provided entertainment.  One of the days we had a gender debate where the men had to ask the women three questions and vice versa.  Well one of the questions for the women was: “If the Bible says God created man first, and all of St. Paul’s helpers were women, then how can you say that men and women are equal?” (I think we can pretty much guarantee one of the Ugandans came up with this question, not a fellow Peace Corps Volunteer).  Here were some responses from the women in my training class:

Erica: St. Paul also had women working in hire positions than men.

Willysha: Men wrote The Bible.

Chelsea: The Bible can be interpreted in many ways, and it’s important that we look at both sides.  God created man first because he is superior OR God created man first and made a mistake. 

            One of the days we had a session on how to do HIV/AIDS education with students and how to do condom demonstrations.  A Ugandan raised his hand in the middle and said, “I have never used a condom, but this seems like a very long process.”  We were all horrified and laughed out of shock!  It was really interesting to see the cultural divide.  After this, a Ugandan asked for the Ugandans in the room to please raise their hand if they use condoms – very few of the 44 raised their hands.  He then asked the Americans to raise their hands if they use condoms – most of us raised our hands.

            The workshop was extremely helpful at times because it gave a lot of us ideas for secondary projects and programs to start in our schools.  It was nice that our counterparts were there because they will be a big help in starting these projects.  My counterpart was very excited and we made an action plan for the next term.  I also was able to talk with him about being MIA and not giving me advanced notice for meeting and workshops.  So I think this term will be a little more productive (hopefully!). 

            I am excited to go back home on Friday…but I am a little terrified to see what creatures have found their way into my house and/or pit latrine.  Don’t worry, I will keep you updated :)

I Know I'm a Bad Person, but at Least I'm Good Looking

            I am sorry that it has been a while since I have updated.  I wish that I had an excuse; like that I was really busy and I have a lot of cool things to write about.  Unfortunately, I’m just lazy.  My counterpart showed up at my site one morning last week to inform me that there was a workshop for the School Family Initiative.  I had just come back from a run and I was sweaty and disgusting.  The meeting, of course, was starting in 2 minutes.  I threw on some clothes and sat in on the workshop.  Now, I feel like I should explain how a typical Uganda workshop operates:

- The workshop was scheduled to start at 8, but it did not start until 10:30 because everyone showed up late.  Surprisingly, this is actually pretty good in Ugandan standards. 

- The workshop started with a prayer, then we sang the national anthem, and then all 30 people had to stand up and introduce themselves.  Some people are quick and mumble, while others talk for about 5 minutes.

- For the next 5 hours the workshop is conducted in a lecture style.  There is time for questions and comments in between, where people usually take this time to speak nonsense, just so they can hear themselves speak.  (Just like what happens in America!)

- This brings me to the title of my blog.  One teacher raised his hand to comment on whether or not teachers should say, “I love you” to students.  How that topic came about, I am not even sure.  He is rambling on and on about himself and his experiences.  All of a sudden he says, “I know I’m a bad person, but at least I’m good looking.”  My counterpart and I looked at each other with raised eyebrows and laughed.  It had absolutely nothing to do with what we were talking about. 

- Statements are constantly being turned into questions.  For example, if I was leading a lecture, I might talk like this: “The students need good discipline.  The students need what?  Good disciple.  If they are not disciplined, then they will misbehave.  The students will what?  They will misbehave.”  The audience will usually join in and answer the question as well – much like the teaching style in Uganda.  A lot of us volunteers have picked up the habit of speaking like this, and it’s quite fun.  Although, I’m not sure that it will be well received when we return to the US.     

- The workshop was supposed to serve food, but that did not happen.  By the time it finished at 3:30, I was starving because I had not eaten anything all day.

I was done with teaching two weeks before term was over because the students had to take their final exams.  I went to the health clinic one day during my time off to help Gowa set up balance sheets to keep track of money and supplies.  While I was there, Gowa asked me if I would go with him to visit a patient.  I agreed, and we walked over to the patient’s house down the road.  We greeted the patient’s wife, and she led us into the bedroom.  At first I could not even tell there was a body in the bed; this man was all skin and bones.  He was curled up in the fetal position and he looked at me with eyes that said, “Put me out of my misery.”  Since I am an mzungu, they immediately thought that I was there to rescue them and take care of their troubles.  I have never felt so utterly helpless, and I stood there trying to find the proper thing to say.  I talked with his wife for a little while.  She told me that her and her husband were diagnosed with HIV a while back.  They were both put on ARVs, but her husband stopped taking them after he felt better.  He eventually got worse, and she said that he only had a few more days to live.  I left their house sick to my stomach – I had just met a dying man in a two-bedroom house made of mud, and there was nothing I could do to help.  While I know that I can’t solve all the world’s problems while I am here, I couldn’t help feeling somewhat defeated.  Gowa and I, however, discussed a plan for HIV/AIDS education in the community when I return from IST (In Service Training for Peace Corps).  I am happy that I will be able to work on that and feel like I am doing my part. 

During my time off, I have spent a lot of time with my neighbors.  Sauya’s son and daughter are back from secondary school, so I hang out with them a lot because they are around the same age.  I did not buy any groceries last week since I knew I’d be leaving for 3 weeks for IST; so I ate pretty much every meal with my neighbors as well.  Sauya has a bad rat problem in her house, and you can hear them running around everywhere.  One night, when I was over for dinner, the power was out and we were eating by the light of one candle.  I felt something on my foot, and at first I thought that it was just my pants.  Then it started to tickle and move.  I thought I was just being paranoid, until I felt something crawl on top of my foot.  My eyes grew wide and I clenched my teeth as I thought to myself, “Don’t make a scene.  It’s going to be okay.”  I casually said, “I think there is something crawling on my foot.”  We all looked under the table with the candlelight, and the rat scurried away.  No big deal; we continued to eat like this was a perfectly normal occurrence. 

I am currently at IST for the next ten days.  We will have a three-day break, and then we have to return for All-Volunteer Conference.  It’s a little weird being back with my training class again in Lweza.  It has been three months since I have seen a lot of them! My neighbors were all very sad to see me go, and I had a lot of tea before I left.  I planned to leave at 9 in the morning to head to Kampala, but I did not end up leaving until 12:30.  I stopped to say goodbye to each of my neighbors, and they all insisted in either inviting me inside for either tea or food.  Living in a country where time doesn’t mean anything can be relaxing at times.  I don’t ever feel rushed; I can just go with the flow. 

A great thing about being in the city is that I now have a great Internet connection.  So I am online a lot now and able to chat with all of you lovely people.   So get on Skype and gchat!